You're a what now?
by PhoenixOfAshes
Summary: A bunch of oneshots of our favorite characters meeting our other favorite characters. Contains, (so far,) caleo and chrisse. And now TysonxElla, because they are cute.
1. Caleo and Stolls

"OK, so what am I doing here again?" Asked Leo as he unpacked his bag in the bedroom of the hotel he was currently residing in.

Conner Stoll grinned at him from his place on Leo's bed. "We wanted to go on holiday remember?"

Travis Stoll stopped spinning on the desk chair so he could join in the conversation (and finish his brothers sentences) "And Chiron said we had to bring a member of the seven to keep us under control."

"So we chose you because you're the lest boring."

"And an adopted member of the Hermes cabin after you put robot spiders in the Athena cabin."

"Which we thought was terribly brave of you by the way."

"Your girlfriend's here because Chiron said we needed at lest one responsible person with us."

"Which we think is centaur dung, we can be responsible if we want."

"We just don't usually _want_."

Leo blinked, grinned back at the Stoll brothers and then yelled out. "Cally, get your coat, lets explore!"

The three demigods and former goddess wandered around the streets of London, buying whatever took their fancy and using the Lotus Casino card Travis had nicked from Annabeth to make rather extravagant purchases.

They met no monsters and the only disaster they faced was Leo folding the map they where using into a paper aeroplane, the aeroplane was a little to good and flew past Conner's right ear and straight into a water fountain where it tuned into a soggy, unreadable mess, that not even Calypso's magic could fix (not that she didn't try).

Apart from their loss of a map, the four managed to find a good cafe which sold the nicest pastry's ever and things only stated going wrong at about 8pm.

Leo looked at his watch, realised he couldn't read it in the dark, made a mental note to add a back light to it, and then squinted at the signpost in front of them before sighing and looking at his three companions. "Do you think I can risk fire, I mean, this street looks deserted."

Calypso frowned, "I don't think-"

But she was interrupted by Conner, who was shivering slightly, "Yes, go ahead, sure, just, brrr."

Leo grinned and his palm caught alight, he held it towards the sign post and tried to read it.

"Grimealled plice."

He shock his head and tried again.

"Grime-all-d Police? No, Grime-alld... Place! Its Place everybody, Grimealld Place."

Before anyone could celebrate finding out where the Hades they were, an amused voice from behind them said, "Well, you got one of the words right at least."

And everything went black.

 _This is a line break, it breaks lines._

Leo thought it was all very dramatic, he has been demigodnapped by some weird English monsters, separated from his friends and tied to a chair, none of the rooms occupants (There where three of them) where watching him though, they where terrible kidnappers.

He decided to let them know he was awake, "Is this how you treat all tourists?"

They jumped and tuned towards him.

"Because, no offence, but I can see why this place is so deserted if it is, 'come here for your own kidnapping, only $9.99', can't see that catching on."

One of the English monsters started towards him, he had a fake blue eye that Leo was just itching to examine.

"Are you going to eat me? I wouldn't if I was you, people say I taste terrible. If you do eat me can I say goodbye to my girlfriend first? I need to tell her not to let this ruin our holiday and whenever she eats a taco to think of me. Speaking of tacos, do you have any food? It would be rude to kill someone when they're on an empty stomach you know?"

"We aren't going to eat you." said one of the kidnappers. Leo had just noticed that they wore cloaks and weird dress things. Who were these people?

"What's your name?" Said electronic-eye man

"You can call me The Supreme Master Of The Argo Two And Your Lord And Ruler." Leo said, then...

"Is that eye a real eye or a robot? Can it see behind you? Because that would be so cool, I would have given it night vision too, can it do that? Can I examine it or would that be rude?"

Leo was interrupted by the door opening and a man with shaggy black hair entering the room.

Blue-eye man tuned to face him, "Hows it going Sirius?

Sirius smiled grimly "Not so good Mad-Eye, the two boys keep escaping somehow and the girl is refusing to talk. Also, Molly says we have to eat soon"

Mad-Eye nodded and puled a small bottle from under his cape, Leo decided that small bottles where bad news when it came to being kidnapped.

Mad-Eye grinned and walked towards Leo until, if Leo's hands where not tied, he could have touched him.

"Open up."

Leo wisely kept his mouth closed.

A hand forced his jaw open and a drop of the liquid spilt onto his tongue.

"Now, what's your name?"

"Leo Valdez."

Leo's eyes widened, oh.

"Will you hurt anybody if we let you go.?"

"Only if you hurt us."

"Who are your friends?"

"The girl is Calypso, the boys are Travis and Conner."

"How did you-"

The door burst open again, revealing a short, plump woman who was glaring at the room. "Is that Veritaserum Alastor? You are not using Veritaserum on a child are you? I think a house full of Aurors will be able to keep four children at bay don't you? Now untie him and his friends so we can all eat."

Leo was reminded of a fussy mother hen, a very strict, slightly scary, fussy mother hen.

She tuned to Leo, "How old are you dear?"

"Seventeen." Leo hated having to tell the truth.

"See Alastor? Only a child, now untie them all, they are just children."

Leo could tell he didn't like it, but Mad-Eye reluctantly untied Leo who stood up and rubbed his wrists.

The woman (who introduced herself as Molly) led him along a passage into what Leo supposed was the dining room. He was instructed to wait and soon tried to find something to amuse him because Mad-Eye (who was 'guarding' him) was not very friendly.

Leo had almost finished his model of the Argo II when the door burst open and he looked up, expecting to see his two friends and girlfriend who hated him. Instead he was face to face with sixs teenagers who stared at him in shock.

Leo jumped up and gave them a wide smile, "Finally, someone to keep little old me company, Blue-Eye here has terrible social skills, and I've run out of paper clips. Have any of you seen my girlfriend by the way? Tall, caramely hair, smells like cinnamon, hates my guts? Also, do you have any paper, I'm trying to design a new phone see and...Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have food on my face? Because a swear I washed it before we left."

A girl with bushy brown hair stepped forwards, "Umm, we were just going to eat, Moody?"

Mad-Eye sighed, "He has to eat sometime I suppose, your girlfriend's in the kitchen." Then he walked out of the room.

Leo looked at the other kids, "Is he meant to not like me?"

One of the twins grinned at him, "Don't worry, Mad-Eye doesn't like anyone."

"Damn, and here I was trying extra hard to be annoying."

At that moment, Molly ushered them all into the kitchen, with lots of, "You poor dears must be starving." and, "Why that meeting had to go on for so long, I don't know, its nine o'clock already.

Sitting at a long table were his three fellow kidnappees. **(Hostages? Victims? What ever, Kidnappee sounds cooler.)** His lovely and slightly scary girlfriend jumped up,"This is all your fault, do you know how much I hate you right now? I don't even want to _know_ how you got us into this mess, and before you start, this is way worse then that time you destroyed those wheat fields."

"I didn't destroy them, I improved them."

"You made a crop circle saying 'Leo waz here'"

"Exactly, improved."

They were interrupted by the Stoll brothers, "Wait, you did that?"

"Dude, if my hands weren't tied I would totally hi-five you right now. Wait. There we go. Hi-five man!"

The shocked robe-people stared at Travis, whose hands were now free. "How did you..?"

Travis smirked,"I'm a special boy." Then he sat down and began to eat.

They were half-way though dinner before Leo decided they should decide on an escape plan. He had slipped Calypso her extra knife from his tool belt by then, and, after conversing with the others in Greek (and ignoring the shouts telling them to stop and translate), they came up with a relativity simple escape plan, Travis and Conner pick the lock on the door while Leo and Calypso hold off any unwanted attackers.

After a few more minutes, the Stolls slipped off to unlock the door. They had barley left when shouts filled the house, "Blood Traitors! Dirt! Hargg"

The voice cut off abruptly and the monsters jumped up.

"I knew we shouldn't of trusted them, going to the toilet my-"

"Alastor!"

Leo and Calypso jumped up and dodged around their kidnappers, they were all holding the stick things that had been used to levitate the cutlery at dinner. (Leo had decided he should really research English monsters before going to England.)

Reaching the end of the passage, Leo spotted Travis and Conner bending over a key hole. Calypso drew out her knife, Leo thought she looked way more deadly (but still just as hot) with a dangerous weapon in her hand.

Their attackers stopped short when they saw them, Leo allowed flames to dance across his fingertips, grinning he held up his smoking hand, "I would stop there if I were you, my girlfriend's quite good with a knife, Cally, keep them occupied."

On their tour of the world,Leo and Calypso had discovered her singing would keep people momentary frozen, she had barely started however, when there was a click and the door swung open. Leo grinned, "Thanks for the food Molly, it was wonderful, now we must really be going, Piper's gonna kill me if I call her late." Leo blew them a kiss, and with that, they escaped into the night.

 **I honestly don't know where that came from. This is meant to be a one shot, but if you think I should continue leave a review. You know what? Leave a review anyway. This is my first one shot and I think everyone is kinda OOC, but did I cross any unspoken lines? Did I make them to OOC?**

 **Please tell me.**

 **PhoenixOfAshes**


	2. Chrisse part 1

**Hi! You can thank a broken down school bus for this chapter, and a long car ride, but whatever. Enjoy!**

"Hurry up Chris, we're gonna be late"

Clarisse La Rue was not known for stressing about being on time. Today, however, was an exception, for today she was about to meet her boyfriends parents, and she was absolutely terrified.

Terrified was not a word usually associated with Clarisse, she had slain Drakons, beaten up idiots and masted the art of killing things with a spear, all very useful skills for a 16 year old girl, but none that would help her with the Rodriguezs.

Chris's family lived in the town of Ottery St Catchpole, a small place with a post office, a dairy and not much else, nevertheless, Chris loved it, and it was all Clarisse had been hearing about for the entire ride in .

The post van the two had caught a lift with was one of the few vehicles travelling to the village, it drove in once a week, collected and dropped off the mail, and drove back again. The drivers were always willing to earn some extra cash by transporting passengers, especially when they had the friendly and carefree attitude of Chris.

The so called friendly and carefree Chris waved a hand at his girlfriend "Don't worry Clissy, we'll be on time, and anyway, they won't mind"

The postman looked the couple up and down "You two heading back home for the holidays?"

Chris grinned "Yup, she's about to meet the folks for the first time, she's a little nervous."

"I'm not nervous!"

"Oh right, I forgot, you're calm and collected, you're not scared, because the mighty Clarisse isn't afraid of anything dammit!"

"Shut-up."

"Yes O'fearless one"

"I said shut up!"

Chris gave the posty a look that clearly said 'girls,what can you do?' before grabbing her hand and pulling her down the hill towards the farmhouse, screaming a thank you behind him.

 _-Ahh, line-breaks, how we love you-_

"One hazelnut-chocochip, and one hokey poky* please."

As Chris ordered the ice-creams, Clarisse tried to calm herself down, Chris's parents had been nice, they had liked her, his brothers had loved her story's of slaying monsters and giants. Her day, so far, had been going perfectly.

"Look mummy, a doggy!"

Clarisse turned to face the dog, it was not the size of a poodle, like she had expected, it was not even the size if a Great Dane. This dog was the size of a truck, had evil red eyes and was slobbering everywhere.

Oh great.

Clarisse tapped Chris's arm "We have company."

He looked up at the hellhound and then down at the ice-creams mournfully, "If we-

"Ditch the food Chris."

"But we could just-"

"Now."

Chris sighed, took a large bite out of his ice-cream, and then shoved the cones at a parser-bye "Lets go then."

 _-How many line-breaks dose a story need? Whatever-_

"Come on big boy, just let us kill you so we can go back home."

They had chased the hellhound to a small field sitting at the top of a hill, the field was hidden from the village by a tall hedge, a perfect place to kill monsters.

Clarisse sidestepped the charging monster and readied her spear, preparing to drive it into the hellhounds heart. Scowling, she watched as Chris drove his sword into its neck.

"I had that!"

Chris smirked and picked up the only thing left of the hell hound, a leather

"Lets see...'Mr Woofingtins, property of Medusa', wow, who knew Medusa had a dog?"

Clarisse was about to reply, (it probably would of been rude,) when a voice behind them said, "Who the hell are you?"

Clarisse spun around, behind them was a group of teens holding brooms and tennis-balls, like they couldn't decide between having a game or spring cleaning, so they went with both.

It was Chris who broke the silence "Well shit."

 ***Yes, I am aware that this is a NZ food, but its tasty, so it stays.**

 **Anyway, I don't think this is as good as the last one, and I will start on part 2 when I know what's gonna happen, any help?**

 **As always, rate and review or whatever. Hope you enjoyed.**

 **-PhoenixOfAshes**


	3. Car repair with James and co

"Um.. James?"

"It's fine Lils, we'll be fine."

Al looked out the window, "James, do you know where we are?"

"Umm, somewhere in America I think."

"America is nowhere near England!"

"Shut up Lily, I told you, its _fine."_

"I knew we shouldn't of stolen that car!"

James tuned around in his seat to glare at his sister "Do _you_ want to drive?"

"James, look out!"

There was a bump, a crunch, and the car let out a burst of steam.

"Merlin's Beard."

"We have to stop."

"Do you see where we are? We _can't_ stop."

"James! Up ahead!"

James parked, (with difficulty) and they all got out to stare at the sight in front of them.

Their savour tock the form of a small, rickety shop.

Al frowned at the large sign above the door, "Leo and Calypsos Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters. Sounds to good to be true."

"What do you mean?"

"What he means Lils, is isn't it a bit odd we just happen to brake down right in front of a repair shop?"

"Well we can't do anything about that, lets go in."

The inside of the shop was a little cleaner the its exterior. The floor was swept, and the papers covering the desk seamed to be in some sort of order. Al sniffed, and noticed that the whole place smelt like stew. Stew and machine oil, weird.

The girl at the front desk smiled ,"Can I help you?"

James cleared his throat "Our car broke down."

She nodded, "Of course." Then she turned and shouted at someone in the back of the shop. "DAD, YOU'RE NEEDED!"

"COMING SAM!"

Sam turned back to James, "Please wait a moment, we'll be with you shorty."

The repair man was short, happy and carried a screwdriver. Sam introduced him as Leo Valdez, and appeared to be very proud she was the taller of the two.

While Leo was fixing the car, Sam reached under the desk and grabbed a coke, "So, how do you want to pay, we can do any currency, but we have to know now."

"Galleons."

"Sure, do you need any food? Mum makes a mean stew and her lemonade won the Bacchus's Best Beverage Competition three years in a row."

"Umm..."

Five minutes later they were downing bowls of sweet stew and tall glasses of iced lemonade. They chatted with Calypso (the woman who served them) and Sam until the door opened.

"All done here. Yum! Stew."

As James paid Leo garbed a bowl of stew and stood by the door with Calypso. He was so busy staring at the number Sam had scrawled on the back of the receipt (and thinking about the fact that she had winked at him) he almost missed the conversation by the door.

"So, I may have made some changes to the car..."

"VALDEZ"

"Nothing bad. I swear."

Deciding to cross that bridge when they came to it, James followed his siblings out the door.

They were flying over a field when James broke the silence.

"Lets _not_ tell mum and dad about this."

"Agreed."

 **As you can tell, my grammar an spelling is shit. Anyone want to betta? Oh, and keep leaving ideas in the review place, it would be a great help.**

 **-PhoenixOfAshes**

 **PS. short, I know, but review anyway?**


	4. Just a Coffee They Said

Harry was sure there was something wrong with the couple. They looked normal enough, the girl had red hair and was eating some sort of cinnamon bun. The boy has longish hair and was eating a peanut butter sandwich. Their hands were linked over the table. It wasn't anything physical, it was more like a feeling. Harry knew Ron and Hermione felt it to, they kept sending the couple looks, but the coffee shop was to small to talk without being overheard.

So Harry drank his tea and watched them. The boys eyes had an unfocused look, not like he was staring off into the distance, more like Harry had foggy glasses. Carefully, he cleaned them.

The girls body shimmered slightly, like she was in a heat wave. The sleeves of her dress looked like they were sinking into her arms, occasionally making them look like wings.

Something was wrong. Either that or he was going crazy. Harry glanced at his friends, Hermione looked shocked, Ron looked confused. He jerked his head at the couple, they nodded, okay, so he wasn't crazy. He raised his eyebrows at Hermione and she looked at the door. Right, they could talk outside.

They paid for their drinks and started walking as nonchalantly as possible towards the exit, pausing to let some Americans pass. They were about to leave when one of the newcomers waved, "Tyson! Ella!"

"Percy, don't yell."

"Sorry Annabeth."

The couple stood up and the boys face split into a toothy grin. "Brother! Did you save the big horsey?"

Percy winced, "Yeah, about that..."

"Ella doesn't like the sound of this." The newly proclaimed Ella mutted.

"The horse wasn't a horse. And now the big _cow_ , is a big burger."

Tyson blinked. "What was that brother? You were talking so quietly at the end I didn't hear you."

Percy slung an arm around Tysons' shoulders. "Lets go home, we'll, umm, talk about this on the way big guy."

And with that they left, leaving Harry, Ron and Hermione in their wake.

"Did, that just happen?"

"Yah, yah it did."

 **Sloppy, I know. But I was half asleep when I wrote it, and I'm to lazy to think of a way to make it longer. On another note, I want to include solangelo next chapter, and some more HP people, but their POV is hard to write from, so are there any characters you want to see? Also, if you like Death Note, read my oneshot, I am quite proud. And yes, I can shamelessly plug storys in my AN, don't judge me.**

 **If you've gotten this far, you obviously like me. Leave a review and tell me what you don't like! It helps a lot.**

 **-PhoenixOfAshes**


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